My Main Line

Happy New Year?

Those of you that know me know I have not been here in quite some time.  Some of you may care, some of you may not- it makes no difference to me.  I have been staying away because I do not feel I can be what everyone wants of me.  I have been reminded in cyber and real life numerous times that it is a “New” Year.  Now while these people are extremely well meaning in there well wishes, and I am sure this was not what their intention was, when I hear “Happy New Year” or “It is a New Year, all is made better” to me it is like taking a fresh razor blade and pressing it into my wrist and dragging it up my arm toward my heart.  My son is still not with me, I hate myself for letting him go.  I start fights with my spouse just so maybe she will go away and find someone more deserving of her.  Because I certainly am not.  My doctor says there is a name for what is wrong with me.  Well woo fucking hoo!  That makes it all better.  I have cyclothmia, which is a different form of bipolar disorder.  Guess what?  More meds!!  Yea!!  I went to get contacts the other day and I felt like I was reciting a grocery list when I was listing all my current meds.  The newest is Lamictal.  It is a seizure drug that supposedly does wonders for mood disorders.  So far, I am not impressed.  So I am going to end this little tirade before it gets really bad.  Those of you that miss me, I am sorry, I miss me too.  To the rest of you…..Go to Hell.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Melis the Bitch